Gone

Hey

I may not recall the names of some people because either I completely forgot, or I just don’t feel like mentioning their names.. Bare with me here because this is long and might get quite boring.

Lets start at where I can remember:

I had my last prom and had a sleep over with my friends while contemplating whether I did the right thing or not because I went there even though mum and I weren’t on speaking terms

I graduated highschool and went to the same school but college.. Get it? Anyway, so I picked the course that mum liked for me and kind of enjoyed it and made really cool friends, yet I doubted my capabilities because:
1. It was pre-med
2. I liked it but
3. Pressure

Semestral break came and I just stayed at home. Much like my summer.

Speaking of which, after graduation, I went on a sleepover with 3 friends and watched The Wolf Of Wallstreet and said every fvcking thing like that. And when the sun came up, and the sky was light blue, we headed to our beds and slept. Little did I know, 2 of them were cuddling.. Not on purpose. That house was the guy’s house btw. Now they’re dating. Because I constantly wanted to go back to that place because that guy would go to a college that was not in our hometown and his parents are constantly out, so that makes him home alone pretty often. It’s cute because it was all unexpected. It just happened. So yeah..

Sem Break:

Remember my infatuation?
Yeah, Adam.. Tbh Adam is just a codename. Adam is a girl.

Adam became mine for a bit. Like 2 months.. But not really mine because I was just trying to be something more than a friend to him but I already knew he would not even care any less about us. So he just said yes and “tried” but not being really there for me.. And the worst part is that I expected it all and how it would all end. And just bam. It did everything I expected it to and was okay with it.

But whatever. I’m not gonna hide anymore.

Anyway, she sent me a letter via her friend, to give it to me. I read it and shed no tear nor felt anything but utter disappointment and just laughed. With that, I called up the friend that lived closest to where I lived and just let her sleepover at my house because I don’t think I would know what I’d do without anyone by my side that night.
Bless her soul.

Let me explain Sem Break for a bit:
It’s a break between semesters, for most schools who follow the curriculum.

That meant that I should go out with my friends who came back home and just reunite with them and stuff. But NOPE. I stayed home. So when enrollment for the semester, after the 1st, started, instead of going home, I stayed out of home and just spent time with my friends. But this is boring information.

Second semester started and went off pre-med and tried communication arts. I’m still trying it out. But I don’t think this’ll last.

I joined a sport while in college and much to my surprise, I was chosen to represent. I mean, I’m awesome at it but I’m the youngest and shortest there. Idek why I became a part of it. The competitions were never held in our hometown so that meant I’d have to travel far. And much to my other surprise, mum was okay with it. The day came for the sport to be played and we won a medal in every one I participated in. That was THE best experience I had with a sport. It made me proud.

So the city where we had the competition was the same city Adam went to college at. We stayed at a hotel. With luck and utter coincidence, her dorm was locked. She couldn’t go in because that dorm had strict rules, and she’s a fan of breaking them once in a while. So she called me up and asked me where I was staying and if there was a room available. I told her yes there was and so she came. We saw each other. Then acted genuinely, as we always acted. Which was okay.

I accompanied her that night. The whole night. Til i had to leave.

She told me everything. How she made out with someone when we were sort of together, and how she had found another girl to fall for, that wasn’t me , and that I’d be allowed to kiss her, only when she’s drunk. It was okay. I had no regrets whatsoever even though we could’ve easily broken everything and just let our bodies take over. But we didn’t. I didn’t even make a move. Not unless I knew I could and she would let me. Why? Because I love her. And I always will never feel any less.

After that was Christmas Parties i couldn’t attend and reunions without me. I still gave gifts and my time to those who needed me, at the very least.

This was my 2014 summed up. One word to describe it? Indecisive. I basically just went with flows and doubted every second. Until that very night. I wish to do less of doubting this year. And I sure will be posting some more.

This time, I am certain

-Trix

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